A new day.

Sometimes I forget that everyday is a new day, everything is better if you sleep on it and it makes it so much easier to move forward. I keep meaning to write this post, but it feels like I spend most of my time asleep. But I'm definately going to finish this and post it before I throw myself into revision. 

So the boyfriend had been being weird for like a month now, basically making me feel shit. Then last night he finally talked to me. FINALLY. FOR THE FIRST EVER TIME. He told me that when he was home visiting his family he went to see his ex. I made out like I didn't mind but in all honesty it broke my heart. He told me nothing had happened, and I think I believe that, but I feel betrayed. He said all of this shit of him thinking 'whats the point anymore' and behaving like a complete ass came from when he saw a text a friend of mine sent with a heart thingy <3. I dont undertsand how someone can want to destroy their relationship over a fucking meaningless emoticon. But hell I'm not a man, how could I possibily understand. God I'm reading this and realising how rambly and shit this sounds but atleast its not keeping it inside.

Weight-wise I'm pretty much the same, a little lighter maybe, but I'm only weighing myself when I'm at the gym and my scales are so  fecking inaccurate. Last visit I was 139, not too shabby considering I was starting from fucking 149 when I started throwing pointless posts of rambly rubbish (ehhh alliteration) into the deep abyss of blogger.

Better news, I finish my first year of univeristy in two weeks. I cant fucking believe it. I've got three exams to make it through and then I'm done for the summer. I can go home and tell all the people (and believe me there were a few) that I fucking did it. I've decides that when I finish my exams, and it will be two weeks until payday, I'm going to spend the fortnight in the gym (No uni, no exams, no revision= TIME!) then on payday get a tattoo I've wanted for a while. I want to get a dream catcher tattoo I've design on my right side of my ribs. I dont want to go into more detail on its appearance incase I change my mind, but I'm definately going to post a picture as soon as I've got it done.  I spent alot of last night reading reccomendations for tattooists and I think I've found my shop, a place in Hammersmith :). So in 4 weeks, I will have finished my first year of univeristy in London, I hope to weigh 127lbs and if I hit that gold, I'm going to celebrate with a beautiful new rib piece.

Laters beauts.

New heights.

So guys, its been a while. But I'm back, finally. I've missed so much while I've been away and its felt so good to catch up. I'm on the heartbreak diet which is horrendous in the pain required to get there but every cloud has its silver lining in as much as I cant physically swallow food, so I'm existing on Diet coke and Benson and Hedges, with almost nothing else. I just can't do it. For all the times I wished I didn't have that packet of crisps or slice of pizza, now I can't I wish I could, just so I don't have to feel so empty. I don't feel hungry despite any of this. I've got to admit this is totally new for me. Before in life throw some misery my way and I'd throw a bowl of cheesy pasta straight back at it. But people change.

Got my final 3 exams for this first year of university coming up in just under a months time. Needless to say I'm bricking it and I need get my ass of the internet and into my textbooks, but there's always tomorrow.  Sometimes it feels like I'm talking to myself when I write things like this, because I'm almost sure nobody is reading and even if you are (YES YOU!) I'm so sorry I sounds so bloody mopey. I'm sure by next Friday I'll be in a beer garden in Camden with a Vodka lime soda, forgetting any of the shit with the boyfriend ever happened. That or I'll be drowning my sorrows.  Also when I stopped feeling depressed in the clinical sense, I cut all of my hair off. I now has a bob. I feel like cutting it off made me able to let go of something. All the time with my ex I grew it because he loved it long, and it was kind of like cutting it off was letting go of that part of my life and all its negativity. However whoever said that short hair is easy, LIARS. I spend about twice the amount of time I did before on my hair just trying to get it to stay down, as I'm blessed with waking up every morning with hair life a fluffy sticky-uppy duckling.

Anyways, I'm off to bed because I have workies tomorrow. But I'll be back #terminator. 
Love coming your way if you actually read this drivel I type.