I can try, to fix you.

Today has been a good day :) apart from the boyfriend having to stay at work until finish (2am) rather than 6 because there short staffed. When he isn't here it makes me bored and lonely, which leads to aimless staring in the cupboard and the fridge for ages contemplating whether to give into temptation and have a jaffa cake or 6. I settled for 2 and about 40 cups of green tea and some situps so not to bad, as this was the only evil of today. Been pretty prodcutive in my boredom, and this lead to to some extreme hoovering (hoovering whilst miming the terrible song your listening to with exaggerated dance moves- eh its all burning calories right?) and shit ton of ironing. 

In other news, I have a goal! I want to have lost 7-10lbs before my birthday which is the first of next month, usually I'd be more specific but I'm waiting on my new scale to arrive rather than the ghastly inaccurate thing I've got at present. I don't want to predict to high either because I'm so sick of failing things at the moment it seems like my life is  a big circle of failure :( and i don't need anymore. But anyways my plan is to stick to 750cal on most days and have one cheat day a week, but still no epic binge-fests for next fortnight. After that I'll have a week before my birthday and goal so I'm thinking depending on the numbers a non-carb vegan week, (cant remember if I've mentioned but I'm vegetarian), but still eating little meals so I don't kill my metabolism as its taken me several years to get it ticking over again. And of course getting some exercise in there somewhere, probably using my hardly used gym membership. I hate the gym. Its not the exercise its the people there. 

It mainly consists of men (old ugly men) making noises such as eee-eee-arrr-ARRRRGGGHHHH, which in my opinion shouldn't be heard outside of the bedroom, and women with the most beautiful bodies, toned ab's, thigh gaps, the works, done up to the nines (seriously what is this full hair and makeup to the gym when there's not one fit guy there) making me green with envy. Its hard to stay motivated when the human incarnation of beauty is right next to you looking completely composed and your waring your most unattractive grey trackies, red as a lobster gasping for breath and curing the treadmill as the machine sent up from the pits of hell to kill me. But I have to try.


I guess I have nothing else to say so laters beaut's x

If there's anybody out there?

Anybody reading this has probably stumbled upon this rambling little entry by mistake, but since your here then your welcome to continue reading. I'm not much of a blogger anymore, more of a reader of blog's, but lets give this ago.

I think its fair to say that in the past my commitment to reaching that UGW has wavered, and the weight creeps  back, but once it gets back the voice inside my head starts counting calories, asking if I need that last bite. For sometime I've felt trapped by this voice, and I've spent a lot of time trying to rid myself of her and the misery she brings me. But this, for me, is the final time. I have a goal. Not to be taken over by feelings of obsessive misery. I just want control. I want the thigh gap. I want my bikini body. I want to see my beautiful bones. I want to reach 8.7stone.

So.. that's pretty short, and I guess its given you an insight. Now I'm going to try and get there, with some serious motivational music, some kickass blogs and I'm not going to get sucked into the spiral I ended up in a few years ago when I was blogging on a blog which is now removed.

Stats:
HW: 182lb (13st)
LW: 128.8lb (9st 2lb)
CW: 140issssh (vom) , my scales seriously need a new battery which I'll be getting later on today
GW: 120-123lb

Height, I feel is important to mention, and I'm approximately 5'10 and I wear (currently) a UK size 10.


Until next time, heres some motivation for you beauties :)